Sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve been feeling lazy. But a lot went on since my very first ultrasound since finding out I was preggo! Here’s a recap:
First OBGYN Appointment
Last week was my first appointment with my OBGYN. I like my new doctor! She was overbooked, but she was so calm and patient with us, she never rushed us or made us feel like she needed to get to the next appointment not even for a second. That was a relief. The first visit was pretty standard. They took a urine sample, checked my weight, blood pressure, heart rate, breast exam, etc. Then we talked and Dr. H gave us a chance to ask some questions. Then we finally did our ultra sound! We saw the heart beat again, and saw that our little baby had grown quite a bit since the last ultra sound. The best part of it all was while we were doing the ultrasound, we actually saw the baby move. Obviously, I couldn’t feel anything, but it was really neat to see the baby wiggle and move around for that second! I still think about it now!
We are so thankful that Dr. H is such a good fit for us. We basically told her, it was so hard to get to this point of being pregnant, and we had such excellent service at our RE office, that we might be a bit ‘high maintenance’ and may call with questions. But Dr. H understood and told us to ask for her 2 nurses that were really good, and that they would answer our questions for us when we call. They don’t assign a specific nurse to their patients like they do at our RE office, and usually if we have questions any nurse will answer, but if we ask specifically for Dr. H’s nurses, she knows that they will do their best to answer our questions thoroughly. I still miss our RE office though. They were just so great…. But moving onward and upward!
Just this past Sunday (I was only 9w6d pregnant) I noticed a gush of something flood my panty liner. It was the same usual feeling I have after a few hours of inserting my progesterone, but when I went to the bathroom to change my liner, I noticed it was BLOOD! Blood was on tissue paper, in the toilet bowl, and suffice it to say, I was scared crap-less. Mr. Truffles called the OBGYN and had them page the on-call Dr…. She called and basically said, there’s nothing they can do at this point. If I am going to miscarry, I will miscarry, but also reassured me that bleeding is common. In my head I knew it was common too, but it definitely is a bit freaky when it happens and you haven’t had bleeding in a while. The Dr. told me to rest, and that if I continued to bleed, to make an appointment for an ultrasound on Monday. I stopped bleeding after that one bloody show, so I felt better, and decided not to call for another ultrasound appointment. So in the end, it was nothing, but it was a scary Sunday morning to say the least.
First day off of progesterone!! I was excited for this day to come! I hated having to get up in the middle of dinner to go to the restroom to insert my endometrin in, or wake up early on a Saturday/Sunday morning to do that same for that matter. I was looking forward to non-gooey/chalky/icky discharge, and not having to change my panty liner every few hours – wasn’t one of the perks of being pregnant, to NOT have to change a liner/pad? But yesterday came which was the last day to use my progesterone, and then I got scared. Is my placenta developed enough to make its own progesterone? What if it isn’t, will I miscarry? Should I just quit cold turkey or ween myself off of the progesterone? If you google this, you will not find a lot of information to keep you sane. (But then again, do you ever?) Some say do not stop progesterone until the 12th week. Others say it is fine and to trust your dr. because the placent makes enough progesterone starting the 8th week. This morning I did not take my progesterone, but I did shove a stash in my purse just in case. I don’t feel much different, but I do feel ever so slightly crampy down there. But this could be my uterus stretching, too. I’m feeling it out, trusting my. Dr. and hoping for the best.
Big Reveal to Mr. Truffle Family!
This weekend will be the big reveal to Mr. Truffle’s family. I’m nervous but excited. When a family member became pregnant last year after having dealing with infertility themselves, I didnt take it all too well. It was hard. The baby was born about 3 days after we had our negative beta, and it was devestating, like salt on a wound. I think this is so because of my theory that this family member and I both went through infertility but we had different experiences. We both had heartache, we both experienced the terrible experience of wanting to become a mother and not having that happen to us for years. Sure, she went through it for longer, me 2.5 years, her many more years, but it still hurt. My theory is that we both went through that experience of pain, but on top of that pain that we both went through, I had to experience a year of pain that she didn’t have to. I had to endure HER finally getting pregnant while I was not, and HER going through pregnancy, birth,experiencing parenthood for the first time, WHILE I was still going through my pain was a very difficult thing for me to deal with, on TOP of the anxiety, disappointment, and heartache. She has been understanding about it, which added to my embarrasment that I was acting immature and jealous, and it made me feel guilty.
I admit, I was recluse and avoided having to go see them unless I really had to during the overlap of my infertility and their pregnancy. And I will also admit, a lot of the pain I experienced stemmed from my own thoughts and my own head. But during that time of pain, I didn’t feel like I had the energy to try to be the bigger person, nor did I even want to be. My avoidance wans’t just towards her, but also towards friends who were newly pregnant . How immature if I think about it now, but at the time, it was pain pain pain, and all I wanted to do was avoid avoid avoid. But, now that I am pregnant, it’s much easier to be happier for her and for friends. It’s kind of silly how it all instantly is better. All the more, I tell myself that I was unfair to Mr. Truffles during our dark time we went through as he always tries to undertsand and support me even if he didnt feel the same way as I did. I am bracing myself that there is a possiblity that I may be disappointed in Mr. Truffle’s family reaction because of our distance last year, but I will try to hope for the best. Maybe I’m being over dramatic, but I tend to be that way leading up to things I am anxious about, then realize it’s not as bad as I thought. I hope that is the case. Besides, I’m an ‘expect the worst’ and ‘hope for the best’ type of person…
So the big reveal. We plan on meeting my MIL and telling her in person at her house, then we will head over to my SIL and BIL’s house to visit. I bought this custom-made onesie, along with a bib saying ‘I’m going to be a Big Cousin!’ and ‘Big Cousin [insert name] Sept 2013.’ We plan on casually giving them the gift nonchalantly and wait for their reaction to reading what the onesie says. Then we will go out to dinner with a few of Mr. Truffles close friends, and may tell them of our news there too. I’m excited to be ‘coming out’ with the news. I imagine it’ll make this pregnancy seem….. I dunno, real!
I want to remain grateful and learn to control my emotions better in the future, after all, that’s what a mum has to do to be a good example right?
Today Mr. Truffles and I are 10 Weeks Pregnant! Our baby is the size of a Kumquat (I’ve never tried a Kumquat, but it is about 1.3 inches in size!) I still feel no morning sickness, but now I’m grateful for that. I don’t look like I gained weight yet (at least I dont think I look like I do) but my pants are tight and some don’t even button up anymore! I bought my very first Maternity Item which is a belly band on Amazon. It’s basically a black band that you can put over your pants and leave the buttons undone. It will cover the unbuttoned portion, and also hold your pants up! Super comfortable. On a different note. I know it’s a total waste to go shopping, but with all the new spring clothes that have come out, I want to go shopping!! As long as I purchase flowy tops it won’t be a complete waste right? I’m going to try to minimize my maternity clothes buying anyway.
Thanks for reading!