Scared to even type it, but…

Beta was today and it was 182. I’m pregnant!

I tested on:
Saturday afternoon (6dp5dt) – barely-there line
Sunday FMU (7dp5dt) – barely-there line still
Monday FMU, or to be more specific i POAS at around 2:30am – darker visible line, enough to make me feel hopeful.

Symptoms:
no sore boobs
no tiredness
no metallic taste in mouth
no gums bleeding
no hunger pangs or cravings
no cramps – well no noticeable ones really, but if i look back, maybe i had some poking feelings on one side, but i have gotten that every other cycle that ended in a BFN.

Spotting
had a little bit of spotting yesterday evening (brown in color) – wasn’t too concerned
this morning I had bright red spotting – makes me concerned

How do I feel?
It feels surreal, I feel thrilled and I feel relieved. But I feel scared, worried, and cautious. I know I’m not completely out of the woods yet. So I’m just going to wait for my next beta which I have to schedule thurs or fri. I know things are still very delicate right now, and that I have to be very careful.

I’m thankful to God. I have gone from fervently praying, to feeling hopeless and asking ‘why me, ‘ and turning away. Infertility has taken me to the darkest of darks, but I am thankful that God saw me through it all and answered my prayers. I’m truly thankful beyond words and pray that I will continually have a thankful heart and never take this experience for granted.

I am also feeling a bit of guilt – survivor’s guilt? because I know many of my friends in our community are still trying/waiting, and I know how excruciating and hopeless it all can really be. I am hoping that everyone gets their bfps too, so that we can celebrate and experience it all together. Infertility is just unfair, and terrible, and cruel and all I can say is I know how it feels and that I’m hoping and praying for everyone.

xo, trufflelove

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2 Blasts Transferred

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So here are my two embies that were transferred on Jan 6th. They were considered ‘good quality’ blasts by my embryologist, and the doctor called them ‘beautiful’ so maybe this is it. My last one didn’t make it to freeze.

I’m on day 4 after my 5 day transfer and I’m not feeling much.

Just gonna lay low for a while…

-truffelove

Blood Draw #3 & #4 + a Crazy Trigger!

This past Saturday, I had my blood draw #3. My follicles were progressing, but they were not quite the size that my RE wanted them to be so they told me to come in the following day (Sunday) for another blood draw (#4) and u/s. So come Sunday, they do my blood draw (2 pricks :-/ ) and I meet my nurse who tells me some bad news.  She told me that I just HAVE to get pregnant this cycle because …..she is not going to be my nurse anymore. She has been promoted to be the head of the donor program at my clinic. I’m ultra happy for her, as she is just an amazing nurse and communicator and deserves to be recognized and promoted with more responsibility, but i am sad that she will be leaving because i like her so much! I’m weary of getting to know a brand new nurse, so I guess she’s right. i just HAVE to get pregnant this cycle. 

Oh and that afternoon, I got a call from her where she let me know that I will be doing my trigger that night at 8:30pm! One day ahead of schedule!

Problem.

I have musical tickets with my sister that evening at 7pm. Great.

I tell my nurse and she says, that it is imperative to do it at the time I’m scheduled. she says, you’ll have to go into the bathroom to do it.

I call my sister in the morning and ask her if she is comfortable giving me an IM injection. She is in her last year of school in the health field so she said she would be fine doing it. (I’m scared) So we go to dinner and I hand her the directions and make her read it. She assures me she can do it at the beginning of the dinner, and then at the end she confesses that she’s nervous! WHAT?! don’t TELL ME that!!

We go to the musical and I’m staring at my watch and patiently await until it is 8:20pm. At 8:15 I look at her and nod to let her know we will be going soon, and she nods back.  Then…. suddenly… it’s intermission!!! UGH! She tells me ‘go go go! we gotta get to the bathroom!’ so i grab my purse where my injection stuff is and run up to the restroom. There is no ‘handicap’ stall. so we go into a TINY stall and we start taking all the injection material out. It’s too stressful and there is no room, and there is like, a million people outside of this tiny door. We look at the time and it’s only 8:17 so we decide that we will go to the OTHER bathroom and hope there is a handicap room. But of course, there is a huge line. so we stand there and finally get to the front of the line and let ppl go in front of us because we’re waiting for the ‘big’ stall. We finally get in there, and there is no lock and the door just flails open and shut. UGH.  But we gotta  move on. So I stand there holding the door closed with one hand, and with my other expose my right buttcheek and hold a Mr. Freeze pack that I brought with me in my purse (haha!) on my butt to try to numb it. not working though. all the while i’m unintentionally annoying my sister asking her does she think this is sanitary that we are doing it in the bathroom and should we just walk 2 blocks to the parking garage where my car is and do it there.  Then  I call out to my sister saying, you know you have to use the big needle to suck in the medicine into the syringe and then switch to the smaller needle to inject me right? and she’s flustered. I ask her, “do you want me to do it?”  she says yes. (omg)

I switch with my sister who is now holding the door shut and I try mixing my drugs and suck it up into the syringe and switch needles. as I do it I notice I did something wrong and that there is no liquid in my syringe! i semi-freak out ‘there’s nothing in here!!! what the heck?!!’ so then my sister says we need to switch again and says she’ll just do it. I could tell she was in her zone so I go back to holding the door. She starts mixing the liquid and loads the syringe, switches needles and tells me to turn around. I do. She stabs me. (I could feel it going in – but it’s not bad) and then 2 seconds later, she tells me she’s done. WHAT A RELIEF.  By this time, the bathroom has cleared and we clean up, throw our trash away, put my needles in a plastic juice bottle in my purse and go back to the theatre to finish our show.

If you know me, i stress out easily, and so does my sister, but we both sucked it up in the end and handled our mission. after getting back to our seats, we had a moment where we looked at each other during the  show and started cracking up laughing. We were laughing at the drama we had just experienced in the bathroom stall while watching a Christmas musical during intermission.

Obviously, I should have planned better and should not have relied on the ‘tentative’ schedule my nurse gave me which was to trigger the day AFTER the musical. and I obviously would have liked to do my trigger shot in the comfort of my own home with plenty of time to stress out in privacy without having the added pressure of knowing there were about 30 women right outside my broken bathroom stall. It was stinky, noisy and overall, NOT trigger-friendly. But we had to do what we had to do and completed the task at hand. but note to future self …. plan for the unexpected… lesson learned.

********************

My egg retrieval is scheduled for January 1st. (one day before my originally scheduled January 2nd retrieval) It will be at 8:30am.  I took a pregnancy test this morning and got a positive, which means the hCG is in my system. After my injection last night, I felt shooting pains in my legs/groin and my ovaries felt extra full, but today I don’t feel much at all anymore. I do remember having  these same feelings my last trigger shot/retrieval, and at the time thought maybe i had ovulated before my retrieval, but the doctor assured me I didn’t, so I feel totally fine about not feeling anything right now. Think lots of good quality follicles for me friends!!

xo, trufflelove

Blood Draw #2 (+U/S)

Merry Day after Christmas! I had my blood draw #2  plus ultra sound this morning.  The nurse is supposed to call me today to let me know whether or not to keep up with my increased follistim dose or not so we will see what they say.

My lining was at 9.3 which is a lot thicker than my 3.1 lining I had measured on Monday.

Right Side: I have about 4 follicles that are larger than 10mm (around 11-12mm) , with 8 follicles that are less than 10mm.

Left Side: I have about 2 – 3 follicles that are right around 10mm, with about 10 that are less than 10mm.

The last few days, I have been able to feel some activity going on in my ovaries, especially in the middle of the night. It feels like the follicles are brewing with spouts of bubbling sensations. It’s quite thrilling 🙂

Side effects so far, I have been feeling really tired. I guess it makes sense since your body is working overtime creating 20x more than the usual egg. (not an easy feat!) And I have been feeling kind of emotional. Last night, I was randomly You-Tubing dogs reuniting with their owners after long periods of time and totally balled my eyes out before falling asleep.  I started to feel a little bloated too.

Last night I did my shots after Christmas dinner and my mom was there for moral support. It was so nice to have her there and seeing/understanding how hard the process is. Plus there’s no one like your mom when you’re going through a tough time right? But the shots in general have been OK. I do them alone which makes it suckier. I also messed up on one of my Menopur doses and had to throw a vial away. What a waste! And I got my follistim meds at all different sizes when I ordered them so that I didnt have to order more than I needed. ie) I have vials that are 300 iu, 600 iu, and 900 iu. But my dose is 325 iu/day so I usually have to prick myself 2x for a full 325 iu dose, which sucks, because it makes me feel like I have 4 shots to do a night.  Alright, Im done complaining.

Happy Hump Day!

-trufflelove

Blood Draw #1

This morning I had my blood draw at the crack of dawn 7:30am *yawn.* Other than my vein moving around like a noodle (tech’s words, not mine) which required 2 pricks, it went pretty smoothly. Maybe I’m just a pro at being poked and prodded with needles now because I didn’t even wince  :S

This afternoon my nurse called and let me know that my estroidal level is looking good, so I will continue with my increased follistim dose. I will be back at my clinic on Wednesday morning for Blood Draw #2 and an U/S. I don’t feel any action going in my ovaries yet, but I’m thinking I will in the next few days or so.

My protocol: 325 IU Follistim, 75 IU Menopur, 5 IU Lupron.

Menopur sucks. Even though I ice my stomach.  And I don’t know if it’s because of my stims, but I do feel anxious. Like legs shaking like I drank 5 redbulls anxious. I was sitting in church this Sunday and couldn’t stop shaking my legs.  I feel like that today – and I drank a defcaff latte today, so it’s definitely not the caffeine.

Oh and during my previous cycle, I did my injections around 9pm, this time I decided to try it at around 7pm. It’s working out ok. I think it might be slightly better because with the 7pm injections, I’m not going to bed too soon after, so I get a little more blood circulation going on which makes me feel like more meds are circulating through my ovaries, which will result in more follicles. A stretch? Maybe 🙂

Wishing everyone a Warm and Joyful Christmas!!!! Merry Christmas!!

xo, Trufflelove

Supression Check, Check!

I had my supression check yesterday and I passed! My lining is at a 3.1 which they say is good, and I have no cysts. I am scheduled to start my stims on Saturday as planned. I’m excited to start and just want to get going with it already. The part I’m dreading, of course, is the two-week wait.

Can I just complain that the cytopreservation fee at my clinic is ridiculous? It’s $900 every single fresh IVF cycle. So after my supression check was done, I was surprised that the financial lady said “ok, it looks like you owe $900 today for cytopreservation.” And all I did was say “oh” and pulled out my credit card without even thinking about it.

I then came to my senses of course and called to find out what this cytopreservation fee really was. It’s the actual FREEZING of the embryo. Then I asked “what is the $40 fee that is deducted out of my account every month?.” (which I thought was the fee to freeze the embryos and keep them frozen) and that, apparently, is only for the STORAGE of the embryo.

Ugh, I knew IVF was expensive, but it is SO expensive!!   

I know it’s totally worth it to have a baby, and I’d definitely rather spend the money then to have to receive a refund at the end of it all…… but if you can’t rant on your blog, where can you? right?  😉

Almost Friday!

-Trufflelove