Halfway Mark!

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have been lazy. But I thought I’d update on my progress. I am 20 weeks as of Tuesday! Half way done with my pregnancy, and just last week we found out that the baby is A BOY!

We are ecstatic and excited as I am from a family of a lot of females 🙂

I haven’t had any painful symptoms, but I am starting to feel a bit of the discomforts that come along with pregnancy:

  • I get swollen feet (this is new to me) 
  • I have eczema on my arms (I’ve never had this)
  • My stomach feels stretching pains (maybe round ligament pains as well as some skin stretching sensations?)
  • My hands are swollen, I can’t put on my engagement ring on some days
  • My boobs are huge

But I am still enjoying my pregnancy nonetheless. I can feel him move a lot more now, and if i look carefully enough at my belly, I can see the movements through my skin! (very slightly, but I can still tell!)

It’s crazy to look back on my journey here, and just to… finally BE HERE.  I’ve been exercising (brisk walking, elliptical and light running) and have been to a few prenatal yoga sessions. I try to be mindful of what I’m eating, but have to admit, the hunger pangs are no joke, albeit me eating a little bit less than I usually do in one sitting (but there are many more sittings :S)

Thanks for reading!

 

Trufflelove

 

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The Reveal Relief, and 12 weeks!

If you read my previous post, I was worried going into my big reveal. But when it actually happened, it couldn’t have gone better! I was pretty convinced that I would be disappointed at my sister in law’s reaction to my pregnancy announcement, because I had been so distant throughout her pregnancy because of my infertility and all the emotions that came along with it. But when we finally announced it, it was so much fun! Here’s the story:

We drive almost 3 hours to Mr. Truffle’s family. We arrive at my mother in law’s house who had made this awesome birthday lunch for us both. Mr. Truffles and my birthdays are 10 days apart in February, and even though it was a few weeks after, Mr. Truffles’ mother wanted to celebrate with a lunch feast and a cake! So all the while we were eating the delicious food, and the delicious cake, I’m thinking of how she’s going to react at the news. I wasn’t worried about her reaction as much as my sister in laws, but when we casually told her that we pregnant while we were eating birthday cake, she jumped up for joy and ran around the table to give me a hug. It was pretty fun, and I almost cried. She did talk about my sister-in-law’s pregnancy for about 30 minutes thereafter, and it slightly irked me, but I was still very happy at her reaction.

After revealing to my mother in law, we drove over to my sister-in-law’s house to visit; me feeling apprehensive and nervous. We go and we chit-chat, and play with our nephew who is about 6 months old. About an hour into our visit, Mr. Truffles casually says, “didn’t we get something for our nephew?” And I casually say, “oh yeah, let me get it.” I give them a little gift, and my brother-in-law opens it but opens it the wrong way so he doesn’t see what’s written. He thanks us and hands it to my sister in law who opens it up to read the little t-shirt that says “soon to be big cousin”. My sister in law takes a second to realize what it says and JUMPS up out of the couch and runs over to congratulate me, and I almost cried again. We were all up and happy in celebration and both my sister in law and brother in law were  congratulating Mr. Truffles and me. It was emotional and it was super fun talking about my pregnancy, and having all the questions asked of how I felt, and ‘i can’t believe there’s a baby inside of you!!’

My sister-in-law then brings out Champaign glasses, and sparkling cider and we toast to us being pregnant! Then she runs around the house and tells us that she has been packing things and saving things to give us for when we were pregnant. It was totally fun, and I was totally surprised and happy by everyone’s reaction. Why was I so worried in the first place?

After the announcement, Mr. Truffles went out to meet some of his childhood friends and broke the news and the celebration continued. It was a fun weekend, and it made it seem all the more real! It really must be happening!

When we got back home after the weekend, the next day, my sister in law emailed me again reiterating how happy and excited she was for me. She wants us to be closer and thinks parenting, encouraging one another, sharing parenting tips, and going through this part of our lives together will help us to do so. I emailed her back and said I actually wanted to talk to her and apologize for being so distant during her pregnancy and the first few months of our nephews arrival. I admitted to her that it was a difficult time for me and that I struggled with envy and thought pregnancy would never happen to me. She understood and was gracious. I’m glad we at least talked about it in the way that we did, so that all the healing in our family could begin.

Overall, I’m excited and happy. We have since, been telling our friends and it’s been really fun to see how excited they are for. We are thankful for our friends and family and know that our little baby will be surrounded by loving, caring, wonderful people.

I’m 12 weeks today! Our baby is the size of a lime! This is my last week of my first trimester. I can’t believe it’s all going by so fast. I really need to make sure I’m enjoying every moment of this pregnancy.

Next week, I have 2 appointments set up. My second appointment with my OBGYN (Checking for down syndrome) and then Mr. Truffles and I are attending a meet and greet with a midwife. I was pretty sure I was going to go the obgyn route, but after a bit of research, a midwife is sounding pretty attractive with all the personal time and attention I read that they offer. I will update after I have my appointments and let you know what I think.

In the meantime, if you haven’t already “The Business of Being Born” is an interesting documentary to watch. It’s on netflix. But I think you can also find a free streaming version online too.

xo, Trufflelove

Week 10 Update

Sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve been feeling lazy. But a lot went on since my very first ultrasound since finding out I was preggo! Here’s a recap:

First OBGYN Appointment
Last week was my first appointment with my OBGYN. I like my new doctor! She was overbooked, but she was so calm and patient with us, she never rushed us or made us feel like she needed to get to the next appointment not even for a second. That was a relief. The first visit was pretty standard. They took a urine sample, checked my weight, blood pressure, heart rate, breast exam, etc. Then we talked and Dr. H gave us a chance to ask some questions. Then we finally did our ultra sound! We saw the heart beat again, and saw that our little baby had grown quite a bit since the last ultra sound. The best part of it all was while we were doing the ultrasound, we actually saw the baby move. Obviously, I couldn’t feel anything, but it was really neat to see the baby wiggle and move around for that second! I still think about it now!

We are so thankful that Dr. H is such a good fit for us. We basically told her, it was so hard to get to this point of being pregnant, and we had such excellent service at our RE office, that we might be a bit ‘high maintenance’ and may call with questions. But Dr. H understood and told us to ask for her 2 nurses that were really good, and that they would answer our questions for us when we call. They don’t assign a specific nurse to their patients like they do at our RE office, and usually if we have questions any nurse will answer, but if we ask specifically for Dr. H’s nurses, she knows that they will do their best to answer our questions thoroughly. I still miss our RE office though. They were just so great…. But moving onward and upward!

Bloody Scare
Just this past Sunday (I was only 9w6d pregnant) I noticed a gush of something flood my panty liner. It was the same usual feeling I have after a few hours of inserting my progesterone, but when I went to the bathroom to change my liner, I noticed it was BLOOD! Blood was on tissue paper, in the toilet bowl, and suffice it to say, I was scared crap-less. Mr. Truffles called the OBGYN and had them page the on-call Dr…. She called and basically said, there’s nothing they can do at this point. If I am going to miscarry, I will miscarry, but also reassured me that bleeding is common. In my head I knew it was common too, but it definitely is a bit freaky when it happens and you haven’t had bleeding in a while. The Dr. told me to rest, and that if I continued to bleed, to make an appointment for an ultrasound on Monday. I stopped bleeding after that one bloody show, so I felt better, and decided not to call for another ultrasound appointment. So in the end, it was nothing, but it was a scary Sunday morning to say the least.

Stopping Progesterone
First day off of progesterone!! I was excited for this day to come! I hated having to get up in the middle of dinner to go to the restroom to insert my endometrin in, or wake up early on a Saturday/Sunday morning to do that same for that matter. I was looking forward to non-gooey/chalky/icky discharge, and not having to change my panty liner every few hours – wasn’t one of the perks of being pregnant, to NOT have to change a liner/pad? But yesterday came which was the last day to use my progesterone, and then I got scared. Is my placenta developed enough to make its own progesterone? What if it isn’t, will I miscarry? Should I just quit cold turkey or ween myself off of the progesterone? If you google this, you will not find a lot of information to keep you sane. (But then again, do you ever?) Some say do not stop progesterone until the 12th week. Others say it is fine and to trust your dr. because the placent makes enough progesterone starting the 8th week. This morning I did not take my progesterone, but I did shove a stash in my purse just in case. I don’t feel much different, but I do feel ever so slightly crampy down there. But this could be my uterus stretching, too. I’m feeling it out, trusting my. Dr. and hoping for the best.

Big Reveal to Mr. Truffle Family!
This weekend will be the big reveal to Mr. Truffle’s family. I’m nervous but excited. When a family member became pregnant last year after having dealing with infertility themselves, I didnt take it all too well. It was hard. The baby was born about 3 days after we had our negative beta, and it was devestating, like salt on a wound.  I think this is so because of my theory that this family member and I both went through infertility but we had different experiences. We both had heartache, we both experienced the terrible experience of wanting to become a mother and not having that happen to us for years. Sure, she went through it for longer, me 2.5 years, her many more years, but it still hurt. My theory is that we both went through that experience of pain, but on top of that pain that we both went through, I had to experience a year of pain that she didn’t have to. I had to endure HER finally getting pregnant while I was not, and HER going through pregnancy, birth,experiencing parenthood for the first time, WHILE I was still going through my pain was a very difficult thing for me to deal with, on TOP of the anxiety, disappointment, and heartache. She has been understanding about it, which added to my embarrasment that I was acting immature and jealous, and it made me feel guilty.

I admit, I was recluse and avoided having to go see them unless I really had to during the overlap of my infertility and their pregnancy. And I will also admit, a lot of the pain I experienced stemmed from my own thoughts and my own head. But during that time of pain, I didn’t feel like I had the energy to try to be the bigger person, nor did I even want to be. My avoidance wans’t just towards her, but also towards friends who were newly pregnant . How immature if I think about it now, but at the time, it was pain pain pain, and all I wanted to do was avoid avoid avoid.  But, now that I am pregnant, it’s much easier to be happier for her and for friends. It’s kind of silly how it all instantly is better.  All the more, I tell myself that I was unfair to Mr. Truffles during our dark time we went through as he always tries to undertsand and support me even if he didnt feel the same way as I did.  I am bracing myself that there is a possiblity that I may be disappointed in Mr. Truffle’s family reaction because of our distance last year, but I will try to hope for the best. Maybe I’m being over dramatic, but I tend to be that way leading up to things I am anxious about, then realize it’s not as bad as I thought. I hope that is the case. Besides, I’m an ‘expect the worst’ and ‘hope for the best’ type of person…

So the big reveal. We plan on meeting my MIL and telling her in person at her house, then we will head over to my SIL and BIL’s house to visit. I bought this custom-made onesie, along with a bib saying ‘I’m going to be a Big Cousin!’ and ‘Big Cousin [insert name] Sept 2013.’ We plan on casually giving them the gift nonchalantly and wait for their reaction to reading what the onesie says. Then we will go out to dinner with a few of Mr. Truffles close friends, and may tell them of our news there too. I’m excited to be ‘coming out’ with the news. I imagine it’ll make this pregnancy seem….. I dunno, real!

I want to remain grateful and learn to control my emotions better in the future, after all, that’s what a mum has to do to be a good example right?

Today
Today Mr. Truffles and I are 10 Weeks Pregnant! Our baby is the size of a Kumquat (I’ve never tried a Kumquat, but it is about 1.3 inches in size!) I still feel no morning sickness, but now I’m grateful for that. I don’t look like I gained weight yet (at least I dont think I look like I do) but my pants are tight and some don’t even button up anymore! I bought my very first Maternity Item which is a belly band on Amazon. It’s basically a black band that you can put over your pants and leave the buttons undone. It will cover the unbuttoned portion, and also hold your pants up! Super comfortable. On a different note. I know it’s a total waste to go shopping, but with all the new spring clothes that have come out, I want to go shopping!! As long as I purchase flowy tops it won’t be a complete waste right? I’m going to try to minimize my maternity clothes buying anyway.

Thanks for reading!

-Trufflelove

Whew! We saw the Heartbeat!

Finally, my first ultrasound day came. I was pretty nervous because I had freaked myself out. I wasn’t feeling many symptoms, and wasn’t ‘feeling’ pregnant so i started going on the internet (bad idea) and found a lot of information that stressed me out. (Why do I do this to myself)

Anyway, the first ultrasound went well, we saw our fertility doctor for our ‘last appointment’ and had the ultrasound where we saw the sack and our little peanut. The technician pointed to a flutter and told us that was the heartbeat! it was 136 beats per minute but strong and healthy. We were 7 weeks 3 days yesterday at our ultrasound but our little peanut measured at 8 weeks 2 days so our RE was pleased with that. (My pregnancy apps say our babe should be the size of a blueberry this week!)

Once you hear the heartbeat our RE said that the chance of miscarriage is low, like 3%.Mr. Truffles was so cute pumping his fist in the air (kinda like golfers do) walking out of the clinic to the car. Mr. Truffles and I told my family already (they live in town) and we are waiting to tell his family (who live out of town) and are planning a visit to see them at the end of this month at around our 10 week mark.

Mr. Truffles and I are slowly allowing ourselves to be excited. We’re planning a lot of wknd trips for ourselves, and with friends, and are slowly thinking of where we’d want to go on our big babymoon. I found Mr. Truffles reading the baby book that our RE gave us yesterday and I couldn’t help but smile. These days we often like to just sit on the couch or lay in bed imagining what it will really be like to have our baby here! We never used to allow ourselves to ‘go there’ because it would make us so sad, but already our little peanut has brought us so much joy!

We have our first appointment with our regular OBGYN on February 20th. We were recommended to a specific doctor who is known to be excellent by our RE. It was kind of an ordeal getting an appointment with her because she’s so busy but Mr. Truffles worked his magic (after I was defeated) and got us an appointment at our 10 week mark. I’m sad to be leaving my clinic because they are so responsive, so wonderful, and so professional. But I’m glad to have graduated and to be moving on.

Thanks for all your support friends!

xo, trufflelove

help…

I’m constipated.

I was good at ‘going’ just last week, and then in the last few days I’ve been super constipated! the other day i woke up at 2:30am because i felt the urge to go, but couldn’t!! I haven’t taken anything yet, but when i found out that I was pregnant, my nurse sent me a form that had the medications that were safe during pregnancy. for constipation it says this:

Usually dietary changes such as use of bran cereals, whole grain breads, fruits, juices, and drinking lots of water will
relieve constipation. If you continue to have a problem, try the stool softener Colace, Metamucil, Fibercon,
Citrucel, Milk of Magnesia or Senekot. These products do not cause dependency and may be taken up to three
times daily

I have Colace  at home, and I have Metamucil so I may have to resort to that.  Anyone use any of these things that really helped them?

It’s weird though because I knew that pregnancy could cause constipation so I have been extra cautious in the foods that I have been eating. flaxseed in my oatmeal, yogurt, lots of fruits, lots of water, pomegranate, etc. ugh. constipation is the worst feeling!!!

Ugh!!

I am 6 weeks pregnant as of this past Tuesday. I hope next Thursday, which will be my first ultrasound, comes fast. I need some kind of confirmation, something, anything, to keep me in check!

2nd Beta

Tuesday Beta 182
Thursday Beta 399

So I’m progressing! I don’t know how good those numbers are, but at least they doubled!

But, I was also told my thyroid stimulating hormone is high. It’s at 3.45 and they want it to be under 2.5 so I will be starting medication to get that level down starting tomorrow. Does anyone else know more about this? Is it a big deal?

Worry, after worry…. i blame it on this darn infertility.

btw, I had my beta this morning at 7:30am and I didn’t get a call until 3:10pm…. 3:10pm!!! ugh!! the wait for the betas after the first one aren’t that much easier I tell ya.

xo,
Trufflelove

Scared to even type it, but…

Beta was today and it was 182. I’m pregnant!

I tested on:
Saturday afternoon (6dp5dt) – barely-there line
Sunday FMU (7dp5dt) – barely-there line still
Monday FMU, or to be more specific i POAS at around 2:30am – darker visible line, enough to make me feel hopeful.

Symptoms:
no sore boobs
no tiredness
no metallic taste in mouth
no gums bleeding
no hunger pangs or cravings
no cramps – well no noticeable ones really, but if i look back, maybe i had some poking feelings on one side, but i have gotten that every other cycle that ended in a BFN.

Spotting
had a little bit of spotting yesterday evening (brown in color) – wasn’t too concerned
this morning I had bright red spotting – makes me concerned

How do I feel?
It feels surreal, I feel thrilled and I feel relieved. But I feel scared, worried, and cautious. I know I’m not completely out of the woods yet. So I’m just going to wait for my next beta which I have to schedule thurs or fri. I know things are still very delicate right now, and that I have to be very careful.

I’m thankful to God. I have gone from fervently praying, to feeling hopeless and asking ‘why me, ‘ and turning away. Infertility has taken me to the darkest of darks, but I am thankful that God saw me through it all and answered my prayers. I’m truly thankful beyond words and pray that I will continually have a thankful heart and never take this experience for granted.

I am also feeling a bit of guilt – survivor’s guilt? because I know many of my friends in our community are still trying/waiting, and I know how excruciating and hopeless it all can really be. I am hoping that everyone gets their bfps too, so that we can celebrate and experience it all together. Infertility is just unfair, and terrible, and cruel and all I can say is I know how it feels and that I’m hoping and praying for everyone.

xo, trufflelove