Scared to even type it, but…

Beta was today and it was 182. I’m pregnant!

I tested on:
Saturday afternoon (6dp5dt) – barely-there line
Sunday FMU (7dp5dt) – barely-there line still
Monday FMU, or to be more specific i POAS at around 2:30am – darker visible line, enough to make me feel hopeful.

no sore boobs
no tiredness
no metallic taste in mouth
no gums bleeding
no hunger pangs or cravings
no cramps – well no noticeable ones really, but if i look back, maybe i had some poking feelings on one side, but i have gotten that every other cycle that ended in a BFN.

had a little bit of spotting yesterday evening (brown in color) – wasn’t too concerned
this morning I had bright red spotting – makes me concerned

How do I feel?
It feels surreal, I feel thrilled and I feel relieved. But I feel scared, worried, and cautious. I know I’m not completely out of the woods yet. So I’m just going to wait for my next beta which I have to schedule thurs or fri. I know things are still very delicate right now, and that I have to be very careful.

I’m thankful to God. I have gone from fervently praying, to feeling hopeless and asking ‘why me, ‘ and turning away. Infertility has taken me to the darkest of darks, but I am thankful that God saw me through it all and answered my prayers. I’m truly thankful beyond words and pray that I will continually have a thankful heart and never take this experience for granted.

I am also feeling a bit of guilt – survivor’s guilt? because I know many of my friends in our community are still trying/waiting, and I know how excruciating and hopeless it all can really be. I am hoping that everyone gets their bfps too, so that we can celebrate and experience it all together. Infertility is just unfair, and terrible, and cruel and all I can say is I know how it feels and that I’m hoping and praying for everyone.

xo, trufflelove


23 responses

  1. OMG! Congratulations!! I am beyond happy for you! I know what the first few days and weeks are like…cautiously optimistic was how I would put it for myself. I can’t wait to hear about your second beta!

  2. Very happy for you. Finally wish came true.

    Did you have any progesterone in oil jab to help your womb/uterus to relax. This may help to stop the bleeding. If you taking any blood thinning medication, try to stop for a short while.

    I had a little fresh red bleeding at week 6 but doc say its becoz the embryos are digging deeper and causes the blood vessel to tear, plus im on blood thining medication.

    don’t worry and relax.

    • Thank you!! every hour since I’ve found out about my bfp has been somewhat nerve wracking. I go from happy to worried, happy to worried. eek!!!

  3. Oh my goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited, thrilled….elated…you name it. This is the BEST news and made my afternoon. I am so happy for you. God is SOOO good. I pray that you would continue to trust Him completely. As exciting as it is, I remember it being scary too (just wanting everything to go so well and everything)…so keep up the faith. HUGS!!!

    • Thank you so much. I’m cautiously excited!!! I definitely need to just trust that God has everything planned for me 🙂 You’re looking so beautiful with your bump!! Thanks for always checking my blog and writing such encouraging notes!! xo

  4. I’m sooo excited and happy for you! I can relate to so much of what you wrote, that’s exactly how I felt and sometimes feel even now being six weeks pregnant! “Sometimes I’m like wait..I’m pregnant..! Lord..please keep me pregnant! I’m scared! But hey, today, I am pregnant!” I have to rejoice in that! I also know what you mean when you say that infertility has taken you to the darkest of darks..been there as well. It can be such a lonely painful road..but when you see there is light at the end of the tunnel you feel hope! 182 is an amazing first beta! Also, to comfort you about the spotting…I had that as well, and sometimes I still spot! Keep in contact with your doctors, stay hydrated, otherwise, I would not worry too much! So thrilled and happy for you, what a blessing! God is faithful!

    • definitely, infertility has taken me to the darkest places in security, with my friends, family, marriage, it’s affected every part of my life. it was such a hard road that took 2 years! I hope and pray that everything is ok and that this pregnancy ends in a happy healthy baby. How are you? you just found out recently too right? congrats!!! how many weeks are you now?

  5. Such awesome news! I have been following you for a while, but don’t normally comments. This post makes me super happy!! Congrats! 🙂

    • Thank you, and thank you for posting a comment!!! 🙂 it’s definitely exciting, but i’ll feel much better after my 2nd beta tomorrow morning – i’ll keep you posted!

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