Over Dramatic?

Unfortunately, Yes.

So get this:  I have a boss that I wrote about in a previous post here. She is one of the few people I told about my IVF/fertility treatments. We have an odd relationship. We are somewhat ‘friends’ but she is also my boss so we have butted heads a few times because we find ourselves in that awkward grey space of going back and forth. I started off telling her about my infertility because I had to take so much time off for my appointments, and then I just kept telling her more because she kept asking me.

The problem for me, about telling people, is that once you don’t talk to them about it for a while, they ask you about it. And a lot of the times, they are asking you when you do NOT want to talk about it, like when you have had a failed IVF cycle, or when you are extra sensitive about fertility and want to take your mind OFF of fertility instead of telling them about it. It also personally gives me anxiety when I have missed a day or have come into work late because of an appointment, I feel like they want to ask me ‘how things went’ or ‘what are you going to do now’ etc. It just stresses me out unnecessarily.

So i have been doing really good this FET cycle. I haven’t been stressed or thinking that my boss was curious of what I was doing. I thought maybe she just lost interest or the ‘womanly’ side of her told her to just let me be for a while. Well, this morning I had my appointment which caused me to be late coming into work than before. And while normally she would have known about it because I would have to get her OK to come into work late, I switched supervisors because my old boss was better at training new employees, had we had just hired a newbee. (To my new supervisor I have just been telling her that I have an ‘appointment’ and that is good enough for her so I don’t say more) Anyway, she saw me come in late, but I didn’t say anything and went about my day.

I have my Transfer day coming up on the 8th and decided I was going to take the 8th and the 9th off to relax after my procedure. At my job we have this dumb process where we have to mark in a very public calendar what days we are taking off. My old manager called me into her office at around 4pm today and said, I noticed you were taking 2 days of ‘sick’ time off, and we haven’t talked about your baby thing for a while, so what is going on? So I told her. I told her I was doing a transfer, that I had 1 embryo and that I was planning on doing my transfer. I told her more than I probably wanted to, but once I started, I just blabbed everything. ugh.

So this evening, hubby is at a retreat, and I come home after having dinner with a girlfriend and am watching TV on the couch. I have this weird anxious feeling and am trying to figure out what it is. and I come to the conclusion that this cycle, no one knew what the plan was except for Mr. Truffles and me. I was oddly doing really well, happy, stress-free, almost to the point of having to be reminded that I needed to take my Lupron shot at night because I wouldn’t be anticipating the fact that I needed to take it like I did in my fresh cycle. So I’m annoyed, anxious, and stressed at home while watching TV alone at home and I basically did the weirdest thing. I texted my boss. Yes. On a Friday night at 9:40pm (like 10 minutes ago). UGH, I am such a turd.

This is what I texted to her exactly:

It made me feel weird after talking about my treatments today, like i have jinxed them or something so let’s not talk about it anymore at work. I just want to be under the radar and not think about it… Please don’t take offense! I’ll let you know when something *good* happens 🙂 thanks! Have a good wknd!
Yep, I did. and now I feel likehow you feel when you wake up the next morning after a drunken evening and realized that you drunk texted your ex boyfriend all night.

But… I did it… I can’t change it, so I need to stop stressing over what was nothing in the first place right? I’m just embarrassed now, and probably could have handled it in a better, more boss/work appropriate way.

Ugh, why did I do that.

xo,

Trufflelove

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Drum Roll Please….

My 11 Liebster Award Nominees are…..

  1. Kelbel@ Tales from a Yellow Brick Road
  2. Sams@ What a Day for a Dream
  3. Faith@ My BFP Journey Through Faith
  4. Cindysn@ Infertility Does Suck who will now be Pregnancy via IVF 
  5.  Danielle @ Hopeful Pink Lady
  6. Hopeful & Hungry @ Hopeful and Hungry
  7. Theresa @  A Course to the Finish Line
  8. Road to our Baby @ A Road to our Baby
  9. Olivia @ Infertility Mountain
  10. Katherine @ Love Understands
  11. EvelynnRoss@ Journey To and Through IVF

Now to my 11 Questions:

  1. Where is the most exciting place you have traveled to?
  2. Do you prefer chips or cookies?
  3. Coffe or tea?
  4. What is one thing you always carry with you in your purse?
  5. Do you typically wear high heels or flats?
  6. What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?
  7. What is your favorite book and why?
  8. If you won a million dollars, what is the first big purchase you would splurge on?
  9. Who is your celebrity crush?
  10. What is the last movie that you watched that made you cry?
  11. What is one wonderful thing you would like to share about your significant other?

Congrats ladies!! Keep on sharing and inspiring!!!

xo,

Truffle Love

Liebster Award Nominee!!

Thank you KelBel for your nomination! I’m so honored! And, I feel a bit guilty as I have been a bit lazy with my posts these days. I’m going to add in KelBel’s description of what the Liebster Award is..

What is a Liebster Blog Award? The Liebster Blog Award is given to up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers, and nominated by fellow bloggers. Liebster is a German word meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome.
Thank you!!!

I believe the other portion of being nominated is answering a few questions about me that KelBel has come up with. Here we go:

1) What is your favorite guilty pleasure song?  Miley Cyrus, ‘Party in the USA’
2) Do you watch reality tv? What is your favorite reality tv show? My name is Truffelove, and I am a reality TV Junkie….. I’m addicted to the Real Housewives Franchise. Like, all of them.
3) If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go? Ah, this question is a hard one. I would love to travel Southeast Asia, or Northern Europe. But if I had to plan my next big vacation now, I would want to go to Croatia.
4) What is your favorite dish to bring to a pot-luck meal?  Casseroles – these days I’ve found a new recipe that Mr. Truffles and I like, “down on the farm” it consists of chicken, zucchini, carrots and it is perfect for fall/winter.
5) If you were a cupcake, what type would you be? I’m not really that into cupcakes, so I would have to say plain vanilla, no frosting. But if they ever came up with a donut cupcake, now that’s another story.
6) How many different places have you lived? Where?  I live in the Pacific Northwest, and have never lived anywhere else. I sometimes dream of what it would be like if I did though…
7) What is your favorite book? “The End of Normal” about the life of Stephanie Madoff was a book I enjoyed reading…
8) What is your favorite time of year? I dread the winter months all year, but then when it comes, I love how we all stay cozy, warm, and have so much family time. So I would say Winter.
9) What is your favorite breakfast food? Easy. Bacon. Boom.
10) Do you have any tattoos or piercings?  Only my ears.
11) Do you believe in ghosts? I believe in Spirits.
I will be posting up my 11 nominees and writing my questions soon. Thank you!!
xo, Trufflelove

Forgetting to take my Birth Control Pill

It’s funny because I never took birth control pills until I started to battle infertility. I never liked the idea of messing with my hormones in my body.

And I don’t know if it’s because I’m not used to taking birth control pills at the same time once  a day, or if it’s because I’m just plain old forgetful, but I can’t seem to remember to take them at the time that I should!!! I do the cell phone alarm thing, put it in my calendar thing, carry it around in my purse etc. But it just seems to slip my mind.

Day 1 – I decide to take it as soon as I wake up at 6:30am before work. I’m thinking I’ll do the morning routine.

Day 2 – Wake up and think, I should probably take my BCP’s later in the day (I’m thinking noon) so that I could sleep in on my beloved weekends….. completely forget and have to take it way later in the day.

Day 3 – ok, let’s try this again at noon. put in calendar, put in phone – I remember

Day 4 – Thinking in the morning I need to remember to take my BCP at noon. I remember at 2pm. not TOO bad, but why can’t i remember!

Day 5 – This will be today. I have my phone alarm set. I will take it on time!

So I guess it’s not that big of a deal, but I really should have started to take the birth control at night before bed. that worked for me last time, but this time i was thinking ‘oh, i will be on vacay soon and won’t be going to bed at 10pm like I normally do, I better take them in the morning’  bleh. I just need to get through 2 more weeks of them i guess. I know, I’m a dork.

On another note, I’m going on my vacay tonight for a week! I’m so excited! I hope this R&R is just what the doctor ordered for a successful FET cycle!

Hope everyone has a wonderful wknd!

-trufflelove

Kale Chips

image

I was inspired to make my own kale chips from another fellow blogger 🙂 they turned out quite tasty, not to mention easy! i tore the kale into bite sized pieces, and then tossed them in a little olive oil and sea salt. Lay them on a baking sheet and bake under 240 degrees for about 20 minutes flipping them once during the process!  Then after taking them out, squeeze fresh lemon on them and viola! a healthy, fun, guilt-free snack! Mr. Truffles and I enjoyed 🙂

I’m so excited to start my Lupron tonight! I will report back tomorrow on how it all goes 🙂

-truffles

Thyroids & Juicers

Happy 5th of July. I am stuffed from eating so much yesterday. I ‘almost’ ate as if it were Thanksgiving yesterday, nap after meal and all! Now I’m back at work and my stomach is grumbling asking me why my indulgent eating behaviour has suddenly stopped. I’m trying to distract myself by drinking juice and green tea, but I’m pretty sure I’ll give in and try to find something ‘semi’ healthy to eat while I’m sitting here, 1 of 3 people who actually made it to work today.

On Monday, I had a blood draw for the regular check ups before IVF. On Tuesday my NP called and said I had elevated thyroid levels. uh oh. I thought ‘oh is that why I’ve been gaining weight?’ and then i snapped back into the reality that i have been eating hamburgers and carbs, whoopsies! Ok so elevated thyroids. I’m hoping that my thyroids were just elevated on a temporary basis due to stress. I go in today for my follow-up to see if I need to be put on thyroid medication – which i do NOT want to be put on. I spent yesterday and the day before trying my best to relax myself and to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. I have been de-hydrated; and my last blood draw was painful. Needle in, poked in deep, and no blood coming out. The nurse told me to relax and squeeze the ball. After my 2nd deep breath, she said ok, it’s starting to come out. not good (i do not like needles).  So this morning I’m determined to hydrate, so that my veins are nice and plump for today’s blood draw in about 2 hours.  Think good thoughts that my thyroid levels are back to normal!

Onto juicing. I watched some documentaries this weekend! I don’t usually watch documentaries as I prefer sappy dramas and romantic comedies, but I got into it, and watched 3 documentaries on food, 1 on 9/11, and 1 on Bill Cunningham of the NY Times (so cute!).  My 3 food documentaries that I watched, somewhat inspired me. One in particular, ‘Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead’ which is about juicing and its awesome health benefits and healing powers! I recommend watching it if you haven’t. After watching it over the wknd, I started googling juice machine reviews, (who knew there were so many out there) and was seriously thinking about getting one. Well on the fourth of July, I turned on the documentary and some of my family including Mr. Truffles, began watching it. An hour after the documentary was finished, I found myself in the car with Mr. Truffles on our way to pick up a juicer! Apparently the documentary inspired more than just myself haha! But to our dismay, the stores were closed (holiday – should have figured) so we came home empty-handed. But we are going to get one and start juicing within the next few days!

I’m excited to cleanse my body (in moderation) as I gear up for IVF, and fill myself with healthy micronutrients. You realize that the American way of eating is just horrid. Mr.Truffles and I are pretty healthy and eat healthily on most occasions. But when we fall of the band wagon sometimes, we fall hard. >.< I am still on birth control pills and will be on them until July 14, and start my Lupron on July 10, so I figure I have some time to do somewhat of a mild detox before I start stimming. (I’ve been googling, and it seems pretty safe to do). I think I’ll try the No Food, Only Juice for only a few days, and then focus on eating clean foods and use the green juice concoction as a supplement or meal replacement. Not really sure this is ‘the one’ but we are thinking of getting this one… Breville 900 JEXL, isn’t it pretty?

 

*edit*** we ended up getting an Omega juicer, and we are quite happy with it. Read the reviews for our Omega 330 juicer here.

-truffle

Calm Before the Storm

I’m on my Birth Control Pills for the IVF cycle. Apparently, BCPs not only ‘calm’ all of the ovaries down, to get them on a clean and even playing field before stimulations happen, they also do the same for the uterin lining apparently. Getting the ovaries/eggs down to a grounded level will ultimlately allow those ovaries to respond to the stimulation meds when that starts. This weekend the RE also called in my meds to the pharmacy so I guess my protocal will involve menopur (great, this one is the one that stings right?). Everytime I get a call about what my next steps are in the IV F process, I feel excited. Every now and then I also get a woosh of ‘wow, I’m really doing this,’  but that subsides quickly enough.

Is it ironic that I have never been on birth control before (I never liked the thought of messing with my hormones) and that I am on it as I’m TRYING to get pregnant? 

Side effects: I have break outs, insomnia at night, and nausea in the morning. I have to have something in my stomach as soon as I wake up, something bread-y and carb filled (which I try not to eat so much – well, i’ve been kinda eating a ton of it lately though) in attempts calm the stomach down.  It’s getting better though. 

-truffle

Coffee & Wine Anyone?

Does anyone struggle with these two things like I do? I feel like for so many tcc’ers, it’s a no brainer… for me, I STRUGGLE with coffee and wine! Don’t get me wrong, I can control my urges, but MAN, does coffee ever smell so sweet and wine look so fine when you are trying not to have any!

 Coffee

It doesn’t help that I literally have a Starbucks in the lobby of the building that I work in. So as soon as I walk in the building every morning, the smell is just tantalizing!! And then of course, everyone on my floor is sipping on starbucks in morning meetings and while checking their emails; it’s like dangling a carrot in front of a horse, that’s all you can see… or smell!  I love coffee, plain and simple.  I don’t need anything fancy; I just need a tall drip. I’ve tried reducing my coffee intake into a short but that just doesn’t do either. A short coffee gets colder faster, and the baristas in the lobby of my building leave too much ‘room’ for cream, even if you ask them not to.  I’ve also tried the decaff route. It’s ok when I’m desperate, but it doesn’t have that ‘tang’ that regular coffee has. And I’m not high maintenance by no means when it comes to coffee. Of course Starbucks tastes good, but I’m perfectly content bringing in my tumbler full of homemade brew. But that’s a little tricky because there’s no way to ‘sneak’ a cup of coffee in without the hubby giving me the wide eye. It’s not that he doesn’t ‘let me’ have coffee, because he believes it to be fine, but he gets wide eyed at just how high I fill my tumbler with coffee. Oops! Hey, when I cheat, I cheat all the way  😛  

Wine

Gawd I love wine. I love most all red wines, champagne, and a good glass of sauvignon blanc. But I have been doing pretty good while TTC’ing. I will have a glass or two when evil AF shows her face, and maybe one glass during the first half of my cycle. I really don’t have any during the two week wait, but it’s super hard! While I have always preferred wine over mixed drinks or beer, I TRULY started to love wine when my husband and I traveled to Europe together. We had a grand old time in Europe, and did how the Europeans do enjoying wine with every meal, stopped for a glass when we needed a break while exploring cities, or had a glass of wine while enjoying the beautiful scenery around us. Sigh, that was fun.  I also watch Mad Men, and boy do they drink. They drink ALL THE TIME, and they make it look good.

I know this post may make me sound like the least bit healthiest of persons, but other than the coffee and wine thing, in which I find myself in ‘want’ when I can’t have any, I eat pretty healthy. The hubs and I have been eating as much organic foods as we can, shop mostly from Whole Foods and try and eat a lot of salads, fish, lean meats, etc.  

And yes, I know, have read, and have even heard my own RE say that coffee in moderation (1-2 beverages a day) will not affect TCC or IVF, but I figure if I’m going to do all of ‘this’ to try and have a baby, giving up wine and coffee shouldn’t be no thang….  I love coffee & wine, but I want to do whatever it takes to remotely help get that bfp.  There, the root of my struggle.

-truffle

P.S. I totally forgot to take my BCP last night before bed! I had it all ready to go, went to brush my teeth and completely forgot and fell asleep.  😦  oopsie! I will start them tonight.

A little about me …

I guess it’d be good to do a little intro about myself and where my hubby and I are in our journey in trying to make our family.

I’m 31, and Mr. Truffle is 33. We were married in 2007 when we were 26 and 28.  Since then, we’ve been traveling and enjoying life. Mr. Truffle has been a traveler since before we met, so when we got married, we traveled all over; Thailand, Malaysia, Carribean, South Korea, Canada, Taiwan, Spain, France, Italy, London and more. All the while that we were traveling and living life, I was also taking night classes in Grad School AND working a full time job. I look back and I still don’t know how I did that.

Anyway, we said after our Europe trip, we’d start trying. This was when I was 28, in 2010. Since then this has been our fertility journey:

7/2010-7/2011 – Trying naturally for 6 months and then decided to try opk sticks. Finding out that I ovulate a bit late on my regular 28-30 day cycle.

8/2011  – Start charting my bbt temps. I find that I have a slightly short luteal phase, but nothing a little vitamin B Complex can’t fix

11/2011 – Go to my OBGYN to let them know “um, I’m 30 years old and I’ve been trying for a year with no luck” they do a few blood tests and everything looks fine. They say I can go to Fertility Clinic if I feel I need to.

3/2012 – I go make my first appointment. Mr. Truffle does a SA – everything on his end is perfect. I do an HSG and they tell me that my tubes are open but I MAY have polyps (what?).

4/2012– I find I do not have polyps through a diagnostic hysteroscopy. I’m relieved, but not really. At this point I was excited to just go ahead and remove the polyps already so I could hurry up and get preggers! if it’s not the polyps, what IS it? Ugh, I guess it is a good thing I dont’ have polyps, I should be thankful that nothing is ‘wrong.’

5/2012 – IUI #1 – medicated with 5mg of Letrazole, natural ovulation. BFN (1 day chem preg – I’ll expand in another post)

6/2012 – IUI #2 – medicated with 5mg of Letrzole, CD9 fsh (Brevelle injection), Ovridel (trigger), 100mg of Prometrium (progesterone)  BFN

6/20/2012 – Ever since we started the IUI #2, Mr. Truffle and I have been contemplating IVF, and we are 99% sure we will do that this cycle. (I’m currently on CD2) Today is our RE’s IVF seminar that they hold once a month. We have to tell my Nurse Practitioner (NP) if we are doing IVF for sure by Thursday (tomorrow) so that I could start my birth control pills.

So my diagnosis? Unexplained Infertility (Bleh). My thoughts on infertility… at first was devestation. ‘Why ME! – why can’t I be one of those girls who got pregnant on the first try!’ But now, it has now subsided to a weird level of acceptance numbness maybe? I believe that I will get pregnant, and I believe that I will be a mother, I am just frustrated (and annoyed) at the process.

-truffle