Scared to even type it, but…

Beta was today and it was 182. I’m pregnant!

I tested on:
Saturday afternoon (6dp5dt) – barely-there line
Sunday FMU (7dp5dt) – barely-there line still
Monday FMU, or to be more specific i POAS at around 2:30am – darker visible line, enough to make me feel hopeful.

Symptoms:
no sore boobs
no tiredness
no metallic taste in mouth
no gums bleeding
no hunger pangs or cravings
no cramps – well no noticeable ones really, but if i look back, maybe i had some poking feelings on one side, but i have gotten that every other cycle that ended in a BFN.

Spotting
had a little bit of spotting yesterday evening (brown in color) – wasn’t too concerned
this morning I had bright red spotting – makes me concerned

How do I feel?
It feels surreal, I feel thrilled and I feel relieved. But I feel scared, worried, and cautious. I know I’m not completely out of the woods yet. So I’m just going to wait for my next beta which I have to schedule thurs or fri. I know things are still very delicate right now, and that I have to be very careful.

I’m thankful to God. I have gone from fervently praying, to feeling hopeless and asking ‘why me, ‘ and turning away. Infertility has taken me to the darkest of darks, but I am thankful that God saw me through it all and answered my prayers. I’m truly thankful beyond words and pray that I will continually have a thankful heart and never take this experience for granted.

I am also feeling a bit of guilt – survivor’s guilt? because I know many of my friends in our community are still trying/waiting, and I know how excruciating and hopeless it all can really be. I am hoping that everyone gets their bfps too, so that we can celebrate and experience it all together. Infertility is just unfair, and terrible, and cruel and all I can say is I know how it feels and that I’m hoping and praying for everyone.

xo, trufflelove

2 Blasts Transferred

image

So here are my two embies that were transferred on Jan 6th. They were considered ‘good quality’ blasts by my embryologist, and the doctor called them ‘beautiful’ so maybe this is it. My last one didn’t make it to freeze.

I’m on day 4 after my 5 day transfer and I’m not feeling much.

Just gonna lay low for a while…

-truffelove

1 Day Post Egg Retrieval

Got the call today from my nurse (not embryologist like I had hoped). She told me out of the 9 eggs, 7 fertilized. She couldn’t tell me the quality of the embryos saying it was too early to tell so I was a little disappointed.

She’ll call me again tomorrow to let me know how many of the seven survived the night. I guess as of today, this makes Mr. truffle and I mommy and daddy truffle to 7 embies. Stay strong little ones!

These next few days of waiting are going to be tough.

-truffle

IVF Seminar…

Yesterday was IVF seminar… I thought that this might be another routine meeting, like a “these people are about to throw down some major cash, we should put a meeting together” type of meeting. But, I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised by how organized and how informative the meeting was. An RE Dr. did the presentation on the overview of IVF.  He spoke confidently, clearly, and in detail. He must know that at least all the women  in the room, this fertility baby making stuff is no joke and that he’d better get into some major detail for us to feel like we are learning something we don’t already know. But like I said, he was thorough, detailed, clear, and non-salesman-y. He did not once say whether we should do one IVF protocol over the other and stayed pretty objective through the entire thing.  He went through (off the top of my head) pre-IVF health care, simulations, injections, some of the anatomy of the ovaries and what stims do to them, retrieval, and transfer. He used scientific terms (which I liked).

Then the embryologist came and explained his role in the process: the fertilization, deciphering the quality of the embryos, the stages in which the embryos divide, 3 day transfers vs. 5 day transfers (no advantage either way) and how often they will call you to let you know how your embryos are doing through the entire process. He stressed: Quality over Quantity. But I know I’ll be nervous to get those numbers upon retrieval anyway. I’m just that way.

All in all it was a great seminar. I feel good. Feel nervous, but feel good mostly.

So, we are going to do IVF for sure. That decision, made.  Now it just comes down to the $$$. So many different plans, all a lot of money. It’s really like gambling. (Roughly) $10k for 1 cycle, 16K for 2 cycles, 23K for 3 cycles without the cost of meds. But the 3 cycle plan offers a refund of 70% if you do not have a baby to take home (speaking in this way is kind of weird no?). The other plans offer no refunds. It’s about what you think your chances are. We have a little time to think about which plan we are going to go with. but it is SO hard. We are so very fortunate and blessed to be able to afford IVF, and we are so thankful. But it doesn’t mean we just have money sitting around to be spent on IVF, especially when other ppl seem to be getting wonderful baby joys for FREE let alone remaining in complete ignorant bliss of all the emotional toils infertility can take on your life!  it’s putting us back for a bit in wanting to move out of our condo and buy the a house that we want. But, I know, we want this, and this is far more important than getting a bigger house aka bigger mortgage. and what good is a house with no baby joy running all around in it. right? RIGHT! 🙂  ok i just made my self feel better typing out this paragraph about IVF and $$$. thank you blog.

You also have to apply for the IVF programs. and when I say apply, I mean let your nurse know and she’ll do it for you. I called this morning to let my NP know I wanted to do IVF for sure, and she applied for me. I got a call about 3 hours later saying that we were accepted and the contracts were sent to me via email.

So in conclusion? We are doing IVF, but we don’t’ know 100% what plan we are going to go with just yet, but we have some time to decide (2-3 weeks or so?) In the mean time, I’m starting my BCP today. Day 1 of my IVF cycle!

-truffles