Originally, my mom the nurse was going to trigger for me, so Mr. Truffle and I didn’t even bother going to the injections class (woops). But I got word from my nurse that I need to take my trigger at 11:30pm last night and my mom lives 45 minutes away. It could have worked, but I have been super sleepy lately and the thought of the drive that late at night with work the next morning, feeling the way I do (full) did not sound like a good plan. So Mr. Truffle (who does not like needles and has fainted – yes fainted – many a times while growing up getting shots/blood draws, etc) sucked it up and told me he would do it, and do it good. I say OK, but am thinking, um you ARE? He watches instructional video after video and when 11:00pm rolls around, he’s got this. he’s pumped. I’m freaking out and he’s calm (hello did you see the size of the needle?). I contemplated if I should stand or lay down trying to figure out what was the least likely position where I would clench, then I drew quadrants on my butt and made a circle to show where i wanted Mr. Truffle to inject… with eyeliner (haha) …. target too low. erased. drew again. erased. drew again (can you tell I’m nervous?) In the end, I laid on the living room floor, closed my eyes and Mr. Truffles injected me. It was easy. All that worrying for nothing.
In my personal social life, I have not yet decided I want to tell people I am dealing with infertility. Reasons for which I will maybe do another post on. But at work, I have told my direct manager only. I told her because:
- she’s a woman and she told me she had trouble staying pregnant before she had her 2nd son. she had a problem with miscarriages. So I knew she would understand my situation
- she and I have become somewhat close. kind of like a mother/daughter relationship. she’s quite nurturing and motherly when she wants to be. (she has a son that is only 6 years younger than me)
- because when I started going to the fertility clinic, I had a feeling that i would need to take a lot of time off here and there doing tests and such so i figured she’d be more understanding of the work I would have to miss. This, I must say was really helpful because she has been sooo understanding and flexible with my work schedule.
But with the good, there’s always some bad right?
- She knows my cycle and asks me how I’m feeling all the time. While this could be good, during the 2ww I just want to be left alone. it’s already stressful as it is!
- I have my beta on 8/15. I’ve been keeping her out of the loop on where I am in my IVF cycle, but she knows the general time frame of when I will know if I’m preggers or not. And she will say comments to me privately such as “oh by the time i come back from vacation, you might be pregnant!” I find this really annoying. leave me alone!
- And this morning when all I wanted to do was tell her a funny story about how I saw our director in the bathroom and started the sentence saying “oh, so I went to the bathroom and guess what…” She answers by saying “you were spotting?” …. wtf….. is that something that you ask someone else, like ever?
In the end, I know she just means well and wants to be there for me in her own way, but I am a private person and I don’t like sharing details of my life unless I feel totally comfortable. I’ve told my manager for reasons other than feeling comfortable – and I don’t regret it…. but I do get annoyed. I had a talk with her last week asking her to please not ask me if I am pregnant when she returns from her vacation. First because I want to be careful with the pregnancy to make sure we are somewhat in the ‘safe zone’ before letting out the news. Second, because I want my family and my close friends to be the first to know as well and I don’t want to feel bad about that inside. And third, what if I’m not pregnant? Can a girl get a moment?
I have come close to telling some of my friends, church groups, small groups, family etc, but always felt reluctant as to how involved they would want to be, or how they might stress me out with the unintentional comments that people can sometimes make “relax,” or “don’t worry you’re still young” etc. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or think that people might think less of me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I also don’t want the stress of people always wanting to talk about it with me because sometimes, I just want to meet with my friends because i DONT want to think about infertility and want to take my mind off of it without having to tell them, ‘can we not talk about it today?’
How open are you with your infertility/IVF?
P.S. Tonight, I will enjoy the evening needle free!! (yay) I’ll be relaxing and taking it easy.. probably watching the olympics. I’m excited to sleep in tomorrow! Wish me luck on my retrieval friends!